Brass Monkey Emergency Affirmations Exceptionally Stupid Days Card Deck


Brass Monkey Emergency Affirmations – Exceptionally Stupid Days Card Deck

Some days need more than a simple “You got this.” The Brass Monkey Emergency Affirmations card deck delivers 100 hilariously honest, unapologetic messages designed to provide a much-needed dose of confidence, humor, and sass when life gets chaotic.

Whether you're facing a terrible day, a stressful meeting, an existential crisis, or simply need a reminder that you've survived worse, this deck is your desk-side survival kit for those exceptionally stupid days.

Product Details

  • Product: Emergency Affirmations – Exceptionally Stupid Days

  • Brand: Brass Monkey

  • Number of Cards: 100

  • Card Size: 3.5" × 5"

  • Box Size: 4" × 5.3" × 1.7"

  • Card Material: Heavyweight card stock

  • Packaging: Sturdy two-piece display box

  • Style: Funny, bold, sarcastic, motivational, and unapologetic

Features

  • Includes 100 unique affirmation cards.

  • Each card features a different humorous and confidence-boosting message.

  • Designed for stressful, chaotic, or exceptionally frustrating days.

  • Combines motivation with unapologetic humor.

  • Heavyweight cardstock provides a durable feel.

  • Comes in a sturdy two-piece display box.

  • Compact size is perfect for desks, nightstands, or glove compartments.

  • Can be used as a daily pick-me-up or emergency confidence boost.

What You'll Find

Expect brutally honest encouragement like:

 

“You're going to kick today in the nuts.”

 

Rather than relying on overly cheerful toxic positivity, these cards offer the kind of aggressive encouragement and sarcastic reassurance that can actually make you laugh when everything feels ridiculous.

Perfect For

  • Coworkers and office friends

  • Desk accessories

  • Stressful workdays

  • Funny motivational gifts

  • Sarcasm lovers

  • Dark humor fans

  • Friends going through a rough day

  • Boss and coworker gifts

  • Secret Santa

  • White elephant exchanges

  • Stocking stuffers

  • Birthday gifts

  • College students

  • Remote workers

  • Novelty gift shops

Why You'll Love It

100 Reasons to Keep Going

Every card delivers a different message, giving you a fresh dose of humor whenever you need it.

Motivation Without the Toxic Positivity

Sometimes an overly cheerful quote isn't what you need. These affirmations offer encouragement with plenty of sarcasm and personality.

Keep It on Your Desk

The sturdy display box looks great sitting on a desk, nightstand, shelf, or office workspace, ready whenever an emergency affirmation is required.

A Gift That Actually Gets a Laugh

Perfect for the friend, coworker, or family member who appreciates humor more than traditional inspirational quotes.

Regular price $18.00

Pickup available at Twirls & Twigs

Usually ready in 24 hours

Shipping + Return Policy

Shipping Policy

We’re all about fast, fabulous, and fun — but we’re not Amazon drones (yet). Here’s how shipping with Twirls + Twigs works:

Processing Time

We need up to 3 business days to wrap your order in gratitude (and bubble wrap) before handing it off to the shipping powers that be.

Shipping Rates & Delivery

  • Shipping costs are calculated at checkout (sorry, the post office doesn’t accept hugs as currency).
  • Delivery times depend on your carrier’s mood, traffic, and whether Mercury is in retrograde.

Local Pickup

In the neighborhood? Swing by our Valley Village shop and pick up your goodies for free. We’ll even cheer for you when you walk in.

Delays Happen

If your package takes a detour (blame weather, carrier hiccups, or cosmic chaos), we’ll help track it down, but a little patience goes a long way.

Address Oopsies

Double-check your shipping info at checkout — once it’s shipped, we can’t chase down a wrong address (no matter how magical our socks are).

Lost or Damaged

If your package arrives looking like it lost a battle with a raccoon, email us within 3 days with photos. We’ll make it right — gratitude guaranteed.

Refund policy

We have a 30-day return policy, which means you have 30 days after receiving your item to request a return.

To be eligible for a return, your item must be in the same condition that you received it, unworn or unused, with tags, and in its original packaging. You’ll also need the receipt or proof of purchase.

To start a return, you can contact us at sales@twirlsandtwigs.com. Please note that returns will need to be sent to the following address: 12441 1/2 magnolia Blvd Valley Village CA.91344 

If your return is accepted, we’ll send you a return shipping label, as well as instructions on how and where to send your package. Items sent back to us without first requesting a return will not be accepted.

You can always contact us for any return question at sales@twirlsandtwigs.com.


Damages and issues
Please inspect your order upon reception and contact us immediately if the item is defective, damaged or if you receive the wrong item, so that we can evaluate the issue and make it right.


Exceptions / non-returnable items
Certain types of items cannot be returned, like perishable goods (such as food, flowers, or plants), custom products (such as special orders or personalized items), and personal care goods (such as beauty products). We also do not accept returns for hazardous materials, flammable liquids, or gases. Please get in touch if you have questions or concerns about your specific item.

Unfortunately, we cannot accept returns on sale items or gift cards.


Exchanges
The fastest way to ensure you get what you want is to return the item you have, and once the return is accepted, make a separate purchase for the new item.


European Union 14 day cooling off period
Notwithstanding the above, if the merchandise is being shipped into the European Union, you have the right to cancel or return your order within 14 days, for any reason and without a justification. As above, your item must be in the same condition that you received it, unworn or unused, with tags, and in its original packaging. You’ll also need the receipt or proof of purchase.


Refunds
We will notify you once we’ve received and inspected your return, and let you know if the refund was approved or not. If approved, you’ll be automatically refunded on your original payment method within 10 business days. Please remember it can take some time for your bank or credit card company to process and post the refund too.
If more than 15 business days have passed since we’ve approved your return, please contact us at sales@twirlsandtwigs.com.